Mei's Fantastic Chinese Adventure
by Kream45
Summary: Mei travels to China for the celebration of Chinese New Year, only to discover that her homeland was brutally destroyed and overcome by ancient dragons and lizard people. Only Mei, equipped with an ancient relic of her ancestors, can save her family and whole China.


**/This story is 100% based on true lore of the game./**

Mei was sitting in an airplane, watching her favorite movie, Shrek, on a tablet. A stewardess approached her with a smile.

"Miss, can I perhaps offer something to eat?"

"Oh, yes, please!" Mei replied, "I'd like some spring rolls, noodles and a Mars bar, thank you."

"But... we only have onion rings and fried pig asscheeks..."

"Then I'll have that, thanks,"

"Here you go, enjoy your meal!"

And then the stewardess threw the food out of the window and jumped out without a parachute.

"Wow, that was fucking stupid." Mei said and looked through the window. The clouds were beautiful, the rivers and forests below were astounding, and oh my god a dragon just flew by the plane.

"Dear passengers, we have a major problem!" the pilot said through the speakers, "A fucking dragon has just eaten our right wing, and we're falling down to our deaths!"

The passengers started panicking and shitting all over the plane in amok.

"But don't worry! We have one parachute, but it's very sturdy and big, so if we attach ourselves to each other, we will be able to jump and survive!"

Everyone breathed with a relief. But they didn't notice that Mei had already stolen the parachute and jumped.

The plane crashed and everyone aboard died. Mei landed in the centre of Shanghai. It was destroyed, and dragons were flying around, dropping giant shits and shooting fireballs from their mouths.

The streets were crowded with the army of lizard people, an ancient species that was hiding in sewers and came to the surface together with dragons, their lords, to conquer Earth.

Mei went to her home and knocked the door.

Someone opened. It was Mei's mom.

"Mei! How good to see you!" she said.

"Mom, have you noticed that lizard people and dragons have conquered entire China?" Mei asked.

"Yes, they came out 20 minutes ago from the sewers and have already destroyed half of China." Mom explained. "They killed all men and stole all young women."

"What are they doing with all those women?"

"I don't know. But you have to save this country! Here, take this shit."

Mei's mom took out an amulet from a shelf and gave it to Mei.

"This amulet was given to me by my mom, who got this from her mom, who got this from her mom, who got this from her mom, who got this from her mom, who got this from her mom, who got this from her mom, who got this from her mom, and a thousand moms more."

"Wow, what does it do?"

"You can use it to control lizard people and destroy the dragons."

"How does it work and how did our family even got it in the first place?" Mei asked.

"I don't know, lol."

"K then, I'm gonna go and defeat those dragons now!"

Mei put on her new legendary skin, the one where she wears red and has lipstick, and actually doesn't make you wanna murder her.

Then Mei went out and saw a small group of lizard people.

She aimed the amulet at them and shouted:

"Obey me, lizard people!"

But it didn't work and the lizard people beat the shit out of her and threw her in a cage.

They threw the cage into a dark pit in the centre of town, and the cage broke.

Mei was surrounded by lizard people and their king, Lord Hissus.

"Hiss, it's a new woman!" some lizard guy said.

"Hiss, let's rape her, hiss!" some other guy suggested.

"Hiss, I know this woman!" Lord Hissus claimed, "She's Mei from Overwatch!"

"Y-yeah, that's me," Mei admitted.

"I heard you are pretty thicc, Mei, hiss." Lord Hissus said and the other lizard guys laughed, "Wait..."

Hissus looked closer at Mei.

"Is this a new legendary skin, hiss?" he asked.

"Oh, this dress? Yes it's legendary, do you like it?"

"You're not that thicc now, Mei, hiss... you know what this meanssss?"

"No, what?"

"It means it's time for a GANGBANG, HISS!"

And then Mei was captured and brutally gangraped by everyone in the lizard army, until she was so tired that she couldn't move.

The whole thing was recorded by one of the lizard people, and the video was soon uploaded on Pornhub, where 1,3 billion people watched it within just 5 minutes since the upload.

Mei was then thrown into another big cave, where all used women were held.

Some Chinese girl approached her and helped her get up.

"Poor girl, I see they raped you really hard..." she said.

Mei caught her breath.

"They did, but the worst is, that this amulet is shit. My mom said it can control lizard people."

"Let me take a look."

The girl analyzed the amulet.

"I see the problem. You didn't press the button, here."

"Really?!" Mei exclaimed.

"Yes, I think you aim this thing at lizard people and then you press the button."

"Thank you! Now I can defeat them!"

Mei exited the cave, which wasn't even guarded, lol, and hid behind a rock. She peeked above it and saw a group of lizard people. She got up, pressed the button and aimed the amulet at the lizard people.

"I command you, lizard people! Destroy the dragons, and then kill yourselves by shooting yourselves in the head!"

Lizard people laughed.

"Guys, I think Mei didn't have enough!"

"Yeah, let's teach her a lesson!"

And then they caught her, beat the shit out of her and then gangraped and covered her in semen.

But then! Some crazy-ass robot flew into the cave and slaughtered everyone. Then it flew up again, shot a million missiles at the dragons and killed all of them. Then it came back to help Mei.

"Oh shit ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) You alright, Mei?"

"Ugh..." Mei moaned, Do I look like I'm alright?"

"Not really ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)" said the robot.

"Thank you, Bastion. I couldn't have done it without you."

"You could, if you had aimed the amulet first, and THEN pressed the button ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

"How do you know about the amulet?"

"Who said I do? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

"Oh my god, I'm such a failure..."

"No you're not ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°) I believe you played a major part in this battle."

"You... really think so?"

"Nope, but sometimes you need to say something untrue, if you want to get bitches ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

"Are you trying to pick me up?"

"Well, maybe someone else, seeing you in ripped, traditional Chinese clothes, covered heads to toes in cum, and with no actual resemblence to a human being, would leave you be, but I'm a nice robot and I wanted to help you out, I don't mind the buckets of semen everywhere ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) I'm just a fucking robot ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

"Bastion, you're so nice, thank you."

"( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)"

And so Bastion used a giant fan, which he always carried around, to blow away all the cum from Mei, grabbed her and flew away.

They got married two weeks later and had a nice, rape-free life, full of robot/human intercourse and memes. They created a Pornhub channel called "Mei and Bastion", where they were posting their intercourses.

 **THE END**

PS: This is all canon and confirmed by Blizzard. They said that the next holiday event is about Valentines, and will have a story mode about Mei and Bastion having intercourse.

Here's what Jeff Kaplan, CEO of Blizzard had to say:

" _We're excited to announce the long-waited hentai mode for Overwatch. I'm sure everyone will enjoy it, especially that it will be free for everyone. Though keep in mind that some of the more complex intercourse animations will be unlocked as a random loot from the new Sex Loot Boxes._

 _We are also excited to have Bastion to play a major role in this update. We think he deserves more screentime, so making him one of the main heroes of this event will certainly add to his already complex character."_


End file.
